weird friend
i'm back five minutes later cuz i forgot, i really wanted to talk about this friend (?) of mine. i've been struggling to process everything with her. it's a complicated one, yet it feels it could be so uncomplicated if i just got real lol.
we were in a relationship for like a year, i broke up with her when i realised i was aro. this was years ago. i went so hard on the "it's not you it's me" out of aro guilt i kind of forgot it was, in fact, also her. our friendship dwindled over the years. i was over it. she would take weeks to months to reply but if i tried to stop talking to her completely she'd always eventually come out of the woodwork. i've been too weak to tell her to just stop lmao.
anyway the one time she asks if she did something wrong and it'd be a shame if we stopped being friends (even though in my head we stopped being friends years ago). i decided to reply, we talked a bit, then she told me she was trans. which was completely unexpected. but i'd sort of hoped this was the one big reason why it felt she was never being 100% real with me. when we met up though it was still really the same as always, like opening a time capsule. but she was really on this whole thing, cuz i've always been a little funky, gender-wise, but she kept implying i was an egg lmao. it threw me off and for days after that i'd been doubting myself even though i've been comfortably identifying as agender for the longest time, but i suddenly felt like i didn't know myself and i was in denial and really i was a trans man.
my friend and their partner made me feel a lot better about it, which i really appreciated... me and my friend are like 99% the same way whenever we talk about gender lol. there's so many ways to be other than binary trans. i like the inbetween and i like people leaving me the hell alone about it unless they actually know me.
i just don't know what to do now lol. i told her we'd meet up again and then i got ill for like a straight month and things are still chaos. but i feel like it really can't last in the long term. i also know i'm being a coward lmao. i don't think there's any point bringing up all the ways i feel she's wronged me. i just can't be bothered with it anymore.
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