times are weird
I figure I want to keep recording stuff here for posterity but it's hard right now lol.
I basically had a mental breakdown in the past couple weeks and it rocked my entire world. It's become apparent to me I've been neglecting my physical and mental health badly for a long, long time. In fact, these are the things you grow up and internalise from a young age, so I couldn't really pinpoint when it started.
In the past few days I've been viewing my body as if it's a different entity to Me, and, I suddenly feel bad for mistreating it. So I've done a lot of watching TV and doing small little hobbies and playing Balatro. I've had a number of difficult conversations and cried a lot and on Tuesday I have to have, I think, the last of my difficult conversations, which will be with my manager.
I think maybe I'll just make daily (or less) little updates for now. Today I watched 2 episodes of Bones, 2 episodes of Professor T, I thinned some nail polish that was goopy cuz I picked up some thinner a while ago, I won a game of Balatro for the second time ever, and I ate two slices of pizza and a half portion of egg fried rice. And a triangle of Toblerone. And I stared into space a lot. Nothing has really felt right today so I didn't know what to do with myself. I was gonna do laundry but I didn't. I was gonna shower which I still might. It's 11 pm lol. I feel gross and unsettled though. I guess I thought this would be a linear healing process which was kinda dumb of me. But I do have going back to work coming up. So that's probably what it is.
Current mood: ...
Currently reading: I can't really read at the moment but still The Worm Ouroboros
Currently listening to: