Thoughts about autism (call that thoughtism)
(I forgot to post this the other day so it's old but whatever)
Ended up working from home the second half of my day which, I always wish I could work from home more often but. Anyway I wound up being super exhausted by the end of that. Didn't help cuz I recorded ten minutes of voice note and whatsapp is broken as hell so it literally didn't record anything. Rage lol
Played some more animal crossing. I caught a Goliath beetle so that's another one off the list. It's just this god damn, Rosalia batesi beetle that I CANNOT get to spawn. Which is dumb because apparently it's a common bug. Get to a mystery island where it's not raining (which took FIVE tickets to find for some reason they all were raining lmao), chop down all the trees, pick all the flowers etc., still no rosalia batesi beetle. I think I'll change it to earlier in the day or I'll get lucky and get an island with no rivers etc cuz all I kept getting were fireflies. Anyway!!! I'm sleeping in the living room with the dog tonight so maybe I ruin my sleep schedule a little and catch that bug tonight.
I have actual things to be worried about at work and stuff I just literally.... Like today I had to talk to these folks again about (work things) and it's so awkward but at the same time I'm over it lol. There's been so much of this same stuff by now I just. I mean I guess that's exposure therapy huh. At the same time, these things always remind me how autistic I am lmao it's. Interesting. I can tell how I talk weird but idk how to do it any different. I just feel like I have a weird way of explaining. And I don't know how the hell my sentence is gonna end or where I'm going with something. Today I looked at someone blankly and then went "I'm just formulating a sentence" and put my fingers to my forehead and furrowed my brows like I'm flexing my brain. I do this a lot. It's old news by now lol. Kind of nice cuz when I started out at this job I was soooo afraid but now I feel like everyone knows I'm a little bit of a freak and like. So I don't need to pretend. Cuz I can't anyway. Lmao.
I am intrigued by this one guy who is autistic and is kind of a colleague but not directly. I feel like his exterior is so laid back and chill but he's actually a pretty anxious person and cares too much. Anyway the way he talks reminds me of myself, kind of. Like everything he's saying is technically relevant but also like.... Sort of like he just keeps on going and didn't really know how he got from A to B lol. He's very different to me but also seems similar in that way.
Current Mood: frustrated Current Food: leftover spag bol Current Music: listening for fishies with my eyes closed in acnh