things are improving
Quick one cuz I need to sleep...
I had my chat with my manager yesterday and, all is... better... I don't even barely remember what I said by now. Little things keep making me disproportionately anxious like they always did -- sending emails, requesting leave, going back to the office -- but I have to remember I'm out of practice and things got pretty tolerable at one point before it was. As bad as it got. So there's hope for me getting a job that won't kill me, one day lmao.
So that's the end of my big ass conversations, at least for now. I'm staring at the rest of my life now but it's okay. I have to live in the present. I remember my therapist once telling me that people with depression live in the past and people with anxiety live in the future. I definitely have been living in the future and forgetting that the future never comes.
Some character stuff, however fleeting, has been coming back to me, at least enough to engage in conversation about them and even being in that world again feels a lot better even if I'm not creating anything right now. Looking forward to getting some more energy back so I can, and so me and Sam can hang out again, but I'm also proud of myself for resting more and not pushing myself and taking support that is available to me.
Okay, that is all...
Current mood: (˶˃ᆺ˂˶) optimistic in spite of the horrors
Currently reading: really trying to get back into it...
Currently listening to: