so much
Let me update this before I abandon dreamwidth forever, I really wanna keep up with it... I've had a lot going on but it's to the point I can't even keep track of care about each individual thing. Mostly work. I start my new job in less than a month. Got stuff on non-regular working days, stuff I don't wanna do but it's same old same old by now.
I spoke about an odd friendship of mine a while back -- I just met up with her again recently and it was much better, I think. Just not complicated. I used to feel a lot of personal responsibility for her wellbeing cuz firstly I was her """""girlfriend""""" LOL and there was a lot, just the kind of person I was when I was younger, I understand I can't fix her problems and it's not my job anyway.
We just hung out, she got her ears pierced, we got lunch and then coffee. It was a few hours, a much more manageable chunk of time for me cuz I was just real about like I need to go home and walk my dog lol. Worked much better for me. I was getting really tired and not hiding it. On a related note I used my Loops while we were sat in a busy cafe and it did help. We talked about being neurodivergent a bit. She's pretty sure she is autistic too lol, I mean, honestly, it makes sense. Feels nice to not feel like I gotta hide stuff anymore, I guess we both have changed.
Next time I wanna get a bit more real I think. I think it's important to communicate what the deal has been for me with her. All the stuff about when we were dating, the guilt, feeling like she was judging me or jealous of me. It feels like we could talk about it now and she won't like, disintegrate in front of my eyes. Can't be protecting her from my feelings anymore.
Current Mood: contemplative Current Food: I had gnocchi tonight :) Current Music: Destiny Arrives - SPELLLING